


Strength of Mine

by Tryingtobegood



Category: Wynonna Earp (TV)
Genre: After 1x13, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Possession, TW: Panic Attacks, Wayhaught - Freeform, i meant to write fluff, it turned into angst, tw: anxiety
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-07
Updated: 2016-07-10
Packaged: 2018-07-22 01:24:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7412986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tryingtobegood/pseuds/Tryingtobegood
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She's not sure how to face Wynonna after trying to shoot her. She wants to apologize but is uncertain what to say. "Sorry some demon snake piece of shit tried to use my body to kill you." "Sorry my mind was too weak to stop it." "Oops. My bad." She knows it wasn't actually her but it was her hand holding the gun. Her finger pulling the trigger. Her lips turning upwards as the bullet raced towards Wynonna.</p><p>"Did she tell you?"</p><p>Nicole's face stays measured but her lack of response is the only one Waverly needs.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Weakness of Mind

After Wynonna slayed the tentacle monster demon and pulled it's leeching ass out of Waverly's mind, Waverly felt lost. It had been so easy for this beast to prey on her mind. She pulled a gun on her sister for crying out loud (her half-sister, Waverly reminds herself). Wynonna. The girl who always came back for her. Well, maybe she left for a few years but she came back. And now that she was here, Wynonna fully committed to the big sister role. Waverly laughed as a bullet grazed Wynonna's ear because some big slimy hell kraken made its way into her weak head. If Wynonna wasn't the heir. If Wynonna hasn't gotten the evil thing out of her mind, Waverly doesn't even let her mind finish the thought. Who knows what the demon could have made Zombie Waverly do.

After Wynonna forced the demon out of her, Waverly doesn't recall much. During the time the snake controlled her mind, Waverly felt like she was in a glass box. She pounded on the walls trying to break through while helplessly witnessing the horrors her body committed. Then, Wynonna shattered the glass and everything went black. Waverly can't really complain though, the dark abyss was a welcoming escape from the dark reality for a bit.

Waverly emerges from the blackness in the Earp Homestead on the old Earp couch resting her head on a soft pillow. Her wrists burn. Immediately the prior few day's activities flood her:

Her not being an Earp.

Nicole being shot.

Willa's death.

Chrissy kidnapping her.

The poisoning of the town.

Her not being an Earp.

All the awful memories come pounding through but the crushing weight on Waverly's skull is watching herself pull the trigger on Wynonna over and over again. She grits her teeth, squeezes her eyes closed, and pushes her face a bit deeper into her pillow. Her warm, moving pillow.

Waverly tries to snatch herself away but realizes she's falling through the air. She attempts to catch herself but only manages to skim the couch before hitting hard on the ground.

"Wave!"

She recognizes the voice and groans in pain realizing her fear-causing moving pillow was Nicole's soft legs. Waverly now lays on the dusty wood floor of the Earp homestead with Nicole's foot under her head. Any other day, Waverly would move but today she lies motionless. Her wrists continue to burn. The scene of her shooting Wynonna still plays behind her eyes. A dirty floor seems like the proper place to be after what she did. Nicole seems to be trying to reach her but Waverly remains unhelpful. Unhelpful till she hears a sharp intake of breath and the scene of her holding a gun to Wynonna suddenly switches to Nicole flying through the air after Willa shot her.

Waverly quickly flips over and sits up. For the first time since she left Nicole at the police station, Waverly's blessed to look into Nicole's eyes. Nicole's face reveals her concern but the tightness around her eyes divulges the pain she truly feels. Waverly frowns seeing her pale face and kneels in front of her. Anger surges through Waverly. At Haught for leaving the hospital. At herself for forgetting Nicole's injury. At herself for causing Nicole to be out of the hospital. Anger at Nicole for putting herself at risk. Instead of yelling though, her voice comes out soft and low, "You got shot! You're not supposed to be here!" Tears trace Waverly's face, "You're supposed to be at the hospital. You're supposed to healing … not worrying about me."

"I'm okay, Baby. I'm okay," Nicole reassures her while a hand caresses her hair. She uses her thumb to stop the tears on Waverly's cheeks. "We're all okay and we're going to save Dolls. It's okay." Nicole guides Waverly back to lying on the couch with her head in her lap. She continues to whisper comfort to the crying girl and runs her fingers through her long brown hair. Waverly barely hears her as her mind continuing to run through the horror reel of recent events.

Waverly calms after some time. Her tears run dry and Nicole's constant warmth helps her come back to the present moment. She turns on her back to look up at Nicole. "Where's Wynonna?" Waverly questions. She rubs her wrists looking at the raw skin.

"Wynonna's.. out" Nicole seems reluctant to answer but Waverly pushes a bit more. Nicole never can keep things from her. Nicole holds Waverly's hand to stop her from rubbing. "She's at a bar. I got a call a bit ago from Nedley that he would handle it. She was starting some trouble with a group of bikers."

Waverly doesn't have a response. She just presses her lips together. She's not even sure how to face Wynonna after trying to shoot her. She wants to apologize but is uncertain what to say. _"Sorry some demon snake piece of shit tried to use my body to kill you." "Sorry my mind was too weak to stop it." "Oops. My bad."_ She knows it wasn't actually her but it was her hand holding the gun. Her finger pulling the trigger. Her lips turning upwards as the bullet raced towards Wynonna.

"Did she tell you?"

Nicole's face stays measured but her lack of response is the only one Waverly needs. She lightly runs her finger over Waverly's injured wrists and reveals, "Doc tied your wrists to ensure you couldn't hurt yourself or anyone else until after Wynonna sent the demon back."

Waverly suddenly sits up to put space between them. "How are you even sitting near me? Why are you trying to help me?" Waverly starts quietly but grows louder and begins to shake. "I had a demon inside me! I tried to kill Wynonna! I'm a danger to you!" She stands and paces the room shaking out her hands to try and stop the trembling. "You should be recovering at the hospital! You should be taking care of yourself!"

"Wave that wasn't you! You even said it was the demon," Nicole remains calm and seated on the couch. "You didn't want this. None of this was your fault."

Waverly stalks over to Nicole. She is storm with no stopping. Lightning flashing in her eyes. A determined look lines her face. She thunders onto her knees in front of Nicole, the same position as before. Her body tense. Yet when Waverly reaches for Nicole's shirt, her hands are soft and gentle. Nicole watches silently and nods when Waverly looks to her for permission. Waverly lifts Nicole's shirt revealing the white thick wrapping around her chest. Waverly closes her eyes and her lips press into a frown. A sob chokes through her throat.

Waverly's fingers float over the bandage, terrified to lay even the most gossamer of touches on the injury. They both can see the tremors in her hand as she finally settles it on Nicole's chest. Neither moves. Waverly's head falls to Nicole's lap as she focuses on breathing steadily. Silence envelopes the room. Waverly's hand eventually slides from Nicole's chest and Nicole prays she has fallen back asleep. Hoping to move her to a more comfortable position, she nudges her bit. Waverly stiffens and speaks "My sister shot you. If there was no us, Willa would not have shot you. You would not have this pain caused by me. I d—"

"No," Nicole says the simple word like she says her own name—a fact never questioned in her life. "This was not your fault or your choice. This curse was not your fault. Your daddy being shot and Willa being taken was not something you chose. Willa shooting me was her choice. Bobo took Willa. These demons return from hell. You don't bring them back."

Waverly mumbles into Nicole's legs.

"Wave, can you please look at me as you speak?" Nicole requests.

The tears stream Waverly's face again as she whispers, "He's not my daddy." Her head falls into her hands as her shoulders shake. Revealing one of the most awful truths of this past day. "He wasn't my dad," Waverly mutters over and over.

Nicole slides to the floor next to Waverly, trying to suppress the involuntary sound of pain as she does. Waverly turns her head to look at the other girl. She's starting to think Doc's punishment at the bottom of a well doesn't sound half bad after all. "Ward Earp isn't my dad," she says clearly and with a confidence she didn't expect.

Nicole nods and puts a hand on her leg. "Ward Earp isn't your dad," Nicole parrots back to Waverly.

"Ward Earp isn't my dad," Waverly repeats as a smile starts spreading across her face. Nicole watches with concern as a giggle slips through her lips. "I'm not an Earp," Waverly's barely able to get out through peals of laughter.

Nicole grins at her and starts to laugh as well. "You're not cursed!" Nicole exclaims. The two of them cannot seem to contain their laughter at this point with them both gasping for air.

"My whole life's work is for a family I'm not even a part of," Waverly laughs hysterically. Tears stream down her face (from the laughter she tells herself) as her and Nicole rock with the hilarity of the situation they have now found themselves in.

 

"Well, this was definitely not the sight I expected to walk in on," Wynonna slurs from the doorway.


	2. Fear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She pushes Nicole's arm off her. She has to get out of there. "Wave?" Her ears ring. Her heart pounds. Why was it so dark. She needs to breath. Everything crushes her. She stands from the bed. "Wave? Waverly?" She smashes her hands over her ears. Why was it so loud?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Panic Attacks

Wynonna's voice sobers them immediately. Waverly's eyes widen as she turns from Nicole's now serious face to Wynonna leaning heavily on the doorway.

"Don't let me interrupt your fun." Wynonna practically spits the words at them. She tips back the last drops of her Jack and wanders into the room collapsing on the couch allowing the bottle to roll from her hands onto the floor. "Our sister's dead, a demon tried to kill me, and dolls is gone but I guess that's just a normal day around here." 

"Do you want me to go?" Nicole keeps her voice low only concerned about Waverly.

"Uh--" Waverly turns to Wynonna and realizes her sister already passed out. "No need. She's passed out." She stands and picks up the disregarded alcohol looking at the anger still etched into Wynonna's features. She prays an escape to oblivion is near for her. Waverly heads to the kitchen to get a cup of water and aspirin for Wynonna when she awakens.

"Are you okay?" Nicole had followed and leans against the same one that held up Wynonna a few moments before.

"Yeah," Waverly responds without a second thought grabbing a glass from the cupboard, "Fit as a fiddle." She looks back to see Nicole frowning, unconvinced. Past Nicole's shoulder, she can see Wynonna's arm slung over the couch. "She won't even remember what she said in the morning."

"That doesn't mean it didn't affect you, Wave."

Waverly ducks her head filling the glass for Wynonna. Did what Wynonna say hurt? Sure. But it was all the truth. And at least she said a demon tried to kill her, not Waverly tried to kill her. The demon was in Waverly's body but it wasn't her. She just needed to keep reminding herself of that logic.

With a full cup, Waverly turns back to the kitchen. She jumps back an inch when Nicole is much closer than she had been the last time she looked up. Nicole took the water from her and set it on the counter. "It's okay not to be okay," Nicole tucks a piece of hair behind Waverly's ear. 

"It hurt but she's right. Everything's a mess right now," Waverly admits. She takes a step closer to Nicole so they are chest to chest. No air between them. She tilts her head to look up at her girlfriend and pushes into a quick kiss. "Thank you for being here." 

"Always." Nicole's arms surround Waverly as she leans into another kiss. She deepens the kiss as their lips move together. Waverly's hand reaches for Nicole's neck while her other tangles in her hair. Nicole's hand moves from Waverly's back with one grabbing her ass while her other pulls Waverly closer. They lose themselves for a moment. No thoughts of revenants. Or death. Or sisters. Just the two of them in the Earp's kitchen.

* * *

Waverly awakens from a nightmare in the middle of the night. She's grateful for no specific memories of the dream but still feels the anxiety running crazy through her body. 2:32 blinks from the clock. Nicole's arm provides some comfort draped over Waverly. Her face relaxed from sleep brought out the angelic features of her face. An angel corrupted by the demons in Waverly's life and mind. The arm became a weight on Waverly's chest forcing her breaths to become shallow. Everything was too close. Too much. She needed to get out of the room. She was trapped. Trapped in this bed. Trapped in this town. Trapped in her body. She couldn't breathe. Every inhale stuck in her throat. Every breath out was too much.

She pushes Nicole's arm off her. She has to get out of there. "Wave?" Her ears ring. Her heart pounds. Why was it so dark. She needs to breath. Everything crushes her. She stands from the bed. "Wave? Waverly?" She smashes her hands over her ears. Why was it so loud? The air is so thick. Something grabs her wrist. She snatches it away. The touch burns. Getting a breath is her top priority. She needs to be on the floor. Sitting with her ears covered, she tries to breath. It still isn't all the way in but maybe she wouldn't die now. Finally the darkness leaves. She stares at the bed. Counting her breaths in her head. 

She lowers her hands from her ears and pushes them into the floor. It grounds her there. She begins to take stock of her senses. She feels the floor. The wood with some dust giving it texture. She sees her bed. The comforter she's had since high school. She smells faint remnants of Nicole's lavender body wash from earlier...Nicole. Waverly remembers she wasn't alone when the panic set in. The fog clears a bit as she becomes more aware of her surroundings. The ringing in her ears becomes understandable. "Waverly." The sounds she was trying to escape are Nicole trying to comfort her. Now aware, she turns to where Nicole's voice comes from. There's her girlfriend. Right by her side. Seated on the ground with her arms wrapped around her legs. Distress carved into her angelic face. 

"Waverly? Baby? Please, just look at me." Waverly's mind clears enough to process the words. "Wave?" She whispers as if speaking above that volume would shatter Waverly.

Waverly wants to take away all of her worry. To tell her she's just fine. Everything is okay. She could breathe again. She was steady. The ground was still there. But when she goes to speak, no words come. Her mouth opens but she can't get words through her mouth. Her face scrunches in frustration as she tries again. She gathers the words in her head-I'm okay-two words. She can do this. She follows the words from her mind to her tongue preparing her lips to speak them but when her mouth opens there is only silence. Nicole turns her head trying to understand as distress settles deeper into her features.

Waverly wants to scream. She tries over and over again failing time after time. Finally she gives herself a break. Maybe she just needs a few more minutes. She drags her hand across the floor-ensuring she can still feel the ground- and stops it at Nicole's foot. She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. The deepest she has taken since awakening. With the strength of oxygen flowing through her body, she lifts her hand to Nicole's.

Waverly opens her eyes to see Nicole's features relaxed a half centimeter. 3:39 blinks from the clock. Their hands are tightly intertwined but Nicole continues to just watch her. Words still refuse to come but she wants to show Nicole she's okay with her touching. She's not going to pull away like she did earlier. Nicole can come closer. She craved her warmth now. The fear had been slowly draining from her body and she just feels cold and exhausted.

Waverly wants to tell Nicole to come closer, to talk to her, to touch her but she just needs to find her voice. She decides to start small as she focuses on Nicole's face. Any noise will be better than this silence. She gives it her all, tears drip from her eyes as frustration takes over. Finally, Waverly pushes a grunt from her throat. The grunt leads to a loud exhale. She brings in a deep breath and push out a vowel, "I." No sentences or coherent thoughts. Just words were what she wanted to focus on now. She breathes in again and pushes out, "Nicole." A small smile appears on the other girls lips. "Sorry." Nicole opens her mouth but Waverly shakes her head. She has not fully broken her mute barrier. She fears if she stops now, she may never push through. She breaths in again.

"This used to happen." Short sentences are all Waverly can speak currently. Her voice shakes a bit like she hasn't used her voice in days. "After Daddy died." She breaths as a few more tears escape. "And Willa's first death." Another breath. "And Wynonna's arrests." Nicole squeezes her hand. "I'm used to dealing with them alone. I didn't mean to scare you." Waverly's done now and she scoots through the few inches of space between her and Nicole to lean into the other woman. Those words and actions took all the energy she had left over from the attack. Nicole takes her arms from her legs and gently wraps them around Waverly.

"Wave, never apologize for what you feel. You are the strongest person I know and after what you've gone through these past few days, you're allow to be afraid. It's going to take time but if you need to talk, I'm always here." Waverly nods as Nicole reaches slowly, still not wanting to spook Waverly, to wipe the tears from Waverly's cheeks. Waverly leans into her hand unable to express the gratitude she feels for Nicole just being there.

"Time," Waverly whispers a few minutes later in response. They sit in silence with Waverly still resting against Nicole.

Nicole starts to droop to the side as Waverly realizes she's fallen asleep. Brushing her hand along Nicole's face she awakes her and nudges her towards the bed. They stand together and return to the bed. Laying down, Nicole returns her arm to its position draped across Waverly who pulls her even closer and snuggles into her side. 4:03 blinks from the clock.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter actually ended up being pretty personal to write as I experience major panic attacks exactly like this one. 
> 
> Any and all feedback is appreciated. All mistakes are my own.
> 
> As always, you can find me at morethanmyurl.tumblr.com
> 
> Hope your day's great :)

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed! I'm not certain how many more chapters I'm going to write. I have one other planned out but let me know y'all's thoughts and I might write more.
> 
> Any and all feedback is appreciated.
> 
> As always, you can find me at morethanmyurl.tumblr.com
> 
> Hope your day's great :)


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